First Post: Friday, December 20, 2013

Narcissus J. Squirrel…or Just a Winter Swimmer?

Hey, ya mangy old humansz…turn the pool heater on!

This guy is a tormentor. He has a ratty old nest about the size of an Australian Rules Football up in a tree here. One afternoon, there was an infernal and unceasing squawking of the local birds poolside, awful, shrieking and wailing and plaintive screeching unlike the usual chipper chirping sounds the birdies make. A look toward the commotion brought the savage brutality of the squirrel to light: he had gotten into a nest of hatchlings and it was all over but the eating. Narcissus J. Squirrel here was up on his hind legs and it looked like he was hopping up and down in menacing triumph. The feathers were flying, the birdies tried to swoop in but the squirrel had the food-chain advantage on them. He was on his hind legs, prancing up and down inside the nest with his front paws raised and the up-and-down motion of his hind legs made the him look like a detonator. The birdies were disconsolate. They eventually gave up. The squirrel was fed. He survives to this day, though he hasn’t raided any birdies’ nests lately.

Free ones: Rundown…

Aqueduct 4, 7
Calder / Gulf Calder 5, Gulf 4, 6, 7, 8, 10
BetFail 6, 7

Pay-side: Today…

Fair Grounds 1, 4
Hawthorne 1, 5, 8, 9
Laurel 6
Retama 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
Sunland 5, 8, 10, 11
Tampa 3, 5, 9
Turfway 7
Turf Paradise 7, 9

Today’s Stakes Pageantry: None today, but tomorrow, of course. In the meantime, check out our Gag Gifts on this here Web log throughout the week! Today’s is gonna be a doozie. Be sure to get your affairs in order prior to opening today’s Gag Gift. You might not be in a living state after you see it.

Yesterday’s Activity: Late-scratches drove down the price on sole-touted P J’s Superego in the third at Aqueduct. At 10-1 on the morning line on the overnights, all of that changed when the 9-5 track-program choice and the 3-1 third-choice were raceday withdrawals. In the end, P J’s Superego was a miserly 2-1 on the toteboard. She won by 1¾ at $6.50 up top.

As always, Welcome to The Home of The Runner-Up Finish, this time led by lone-touted Start Up in GP 3. Start Up, 20-1 on the morning line but well beaten on the Betting Line, was one of three LifeLiner Speed Column qualifiers in the 12-horse field. He ran to his complete LifeLiner array of 99-99-86 by breathing down the leader’s pace before making the lead with a furlong to go. And that’s when Start Up started winding down and calling it a day, long before the payoff of an IPO or an acquisition by Google, Yahoo! or Cynthia Publishing Company. Start Up had to settle for the runner-up spot, getting beat by nearly 6 lengths. The winner was some crazy 25-1 horsey who was ungettable on our measures. Sorry!

The rest were winners.

Bonkersmate No Shenanigans pulled some in Race 2 at the Laurel, a contentious race in which our hero was not worthy of Fair Odds on the Betting Line. What saved him was a competitive and second-best LifeLiner Speed Column score of 88. No Shenanigans, 12-1 on the morning line, went off at 8-1 in real life and rallied to his complete LifeLiner array of 67-66-88. He paid $18.60 for his ¾-length win.

Over to the Turfway now for Race 3, in which Bonkersmate Emmett Park posted the upset at $22.40. Emmett Park was a first-time starter in a dirt-route (!) but somehow was the last survivor on the Betting Line in a contentious race; Emmett Park’s Fair Odds there were 12-1. But with a gaudy connection line of 50pc/12pc/33pc, Emmett Park passed muster, even with a two-turn race as his career-bow. He was a good thing all right, between being bet-down to 10-1 and having that outrageous 50pc trainer and 33pc trainer-rider comboa (comboa!), winning by 5 open lengths. Kentucky!

Next race, sole-touted Euro Cash, top of the V6 Betting Line at prohibitive Fair Odds of 2-1 and top also of the Pace Graph and the LifeLiner Speed Column, represented one of ’em Triple Threat Horseys. Doubly like Emmett Park, Euro Cash was 10-1 on the morning line and was bet-down by the public; in Euro Cash’s case, bet-down to 6½-1. Euro Cash went to the lead and stayed there (LifeLiner array of 98-99-97), hanging on by a grim half-length at $15-even.

Two touted horseys in Race 3, one touted horsey in Race 4, two comboas (comboas!), $4 in, $253.80 returned in the natural daily double.

WMF Report:

Early
Gulf 6f
BetFail 6f
Los Alamitos 4½f
Tampa 6f
Turfway 6½f

Nocturnal Submission: Sifting through the wreckage…

Thank you. Best wishes. Goodbye. Next time!