First Post: Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Fine episode. These are all reasonable people who only want to make you laugh, not be cruel to you just because you are not living up to arbitrary standards of color, purity or economic achievement. R.I.P., Chuck Barris. Roll ’em from 16:05. Refrain from drinking milk while viewing, otherwise it may end up coming out of your nostrils.

Come on, if you’re 10 years old and you’re not cracking up watching the antics of The Gong Show, what chance do you have? You’re going to have a life in which you take yourself a little bit too seriously, probably. Pity.

Free ones: Rundown…

Gulfstream Park Proper 5, 6, 8, 10

Pay-side (Weekday/Weekend): Today…

Mahoning 2, 8
Tampa 2
Turf Paradise 2, 4, 5

Today’s Stakes Pageantry: None today, but Pacific Division rivals Edmonton and Anaheim face-off at the latter this evening with second-place in the standings up for grabbing in the Big-League Ice-Hockey action. Good game, unlike anything involving your La-La Land Kings these days. Oh, well.

Yesterday’s Activity:

Track (Win Mutuels $20+ That Actually Occurred at That Track On That Day/Gettable Via Current Home-Office-Approved Guidelines) [H/T to P.A.T. in Ky. for suggesting this clarification.]

Mahoning (1/0) — 2 arrested after witness reports home burglary in Boardman.

Keystone (3/½) — Old-School Champeens had the finale via Smartcool, Fair Odds of 5-1 in a contentious race; he went gate-to-wire to win by 4 at $23.20. Good work.

Sunland (0/0) — Stray bullet strikes Centennial H.S.

Turf Paradise (0/0) — Visiting Coyotes beat Tampa Bay, 5-3; the professorially named Oliver Ekman-Larsson had a goal and an assist for Ariz.

The WRD (1/1) — Bare-minimum 80 on the LifeLiner Spread Column anlaysis for the High-Octane Chancers and Progressive-Minded Eggheads, even those without knowledge of the Greek alphabet, via Rho Zeta Rock in a noncontentious Race 3; she rallied like the champion she should have been, winning by a clean neck at $24.80. Good work.

WMF Report:

Early
Chas. Town 4½f, 6½f, 7f
Mahoning 6f
PennNat 6f
Turf Paradise 6f

Nocturnal Submission: Sifting through the wreckage…

Thank you. Best wishes. Goodbye. ‘Jumpin’ at the Woodside!’