First Post: Sunday, May 18, 2014

Arsène Wenger lifts the Woodlawn Vase — er, The FA Cup

California Chrome, meet London Silver.

Well, Friends of The Arse, our long international nightmare is over. The Goonersz are back in the hardware business after taking an extended, nine-year vacation from it. Their squeaky-bum 3-2 victory over a stubborn Hull after extra time in your 2014 FA Cup final was nowhere near as stylish as California Chrome’s in yesterday’s Preakness, but when they look back 100 years from now, they’ll see the names on the trophies. And that will be that.

Free ones: Rundown…

Belmont 5, 9
Gulf 1, 4
Santa Anita 5, 10

Pay-side: Today…

Arlington 8
BelTerra 4
Churchill 5, 8
Golden Gate 8
Louisiana 4
Lone Star 5, 7, 9
Monmouth 3, 6, 7, 9, 10
Woodbine 5, 6

Today’s Stakes Pageantry: Let’s try this again. One of ’em Triple Threat Horseys in Bel 6: #3 Richies Party Girl. Likewise later in SA 8: #1 Let Faith Arise. In-between, it’s #4 My Conquestadory in WO 8.

Good one today at Thistle, Race 7, and #3 Culpepper Creek can do it at 8-1 on your morning line.

Yesterday’s Activity: As always, Welcome to The Home of The Runner-Up Finish. Yesterday’s parade of lovable losers was nearly led by a surprise ‘Nocturnal Submission’ (Freestanding Edition 65) inclusion, Funny Face in Race 6 at Presque.

Funny Face, 20-1 on the morning line with no Fair Odds on your conventional V6 Betting Line in a contentious race, somehow tied for second-best on the LifeLiner Speed Column analysis. When the bell rang and the gates opened, Funny Face was blinking at half-a-hundred — a k a 50-1 — on your toteboard.

Funny Face drew to within a length in the straight but eventually tired to be beaten 3½ lengths, holding the place-spot by a dirty half a nose. No reading on the 3-1 winner, but if you are one of those hopeless cases who likes betting big prices to place-and-show, well, here you go: $41.80 in the middle, $16.80 at the end. Ugh.

Now for some winners. Another day, another touted winning horsey at the BelTerra. This time, Tale of Lucknfame in Race 8, $8.20. Oh, well.

Another day, another stratospheric win-payoff for another touted horsey at the Churchill. On Friday, it was Metz in the nightcap at $126-and-change. On Saturday, yesterday, it was the Bonkersmate Maid On a Mission bailing us out in Race 5. Two days, two longshots with ‘M’ in their names. M’m! M’m! Good! (For you Hanson fans in the audience…MMMBop! Come on, now, it’s OK to admit you are a Hanson fan.)

Maid On a Mission, 30-1 on the morning line (30-1! love those 30-1 morning-line horseys that many others just say to summarily dismiss!), was buried on the conventional V6 Betting Line, eight deep of 10; however, the race was contentious, and ’Maid somehow had the top LifeLiner Speed Column analysis in the field. Somehow. Somehow, 93.

Maidn On a Mission ran to her complete LifeLiner array of 97-98-93, staying in front all the way around to win by a determined 1¼ lengths at $82.80 up top.

The runner-up was your 2-1 fave, also OK on LifeLiner, and the exacta paid $300.40, for $2. No-go with the show-dough, though, so…sorry. Regrestz!

Tame start for the touted horseys at the Golden Gate, with Tizaplayer coming through at $8.20 in Race 3.

Then it got interesting in Race 5, with top-touted Marino&rquo;s Wild Cat winning at $23.20. ’Marino was top of the V6 Betting Line, Fair Odds of 2½-1 in a contentious race; on the LifeLiner Speed Column analysis, he had a second-best 92.

’Marino ran to his complete LifeLiner array of 98-94-92, going to the lead and improving his position from there, winning by 3 lengths.

That race also featured a Bonkersmate, just one, named Califo Cat. Califo Cat was no Califo Chrome, but he did complete the exacta behind ’Marino, and ’Califo was 10-1. The dead-on cold-puncher’s exacta box paid $214.80, for $2.

Then in Race 10, the last race on the card, four horseys were touted. The third of those, the Second Bonkersmate, King Kayian, won and paid $37.40.

King Kayian, was disregarded on the V6 Betting Line, no Fair Odds in a contentious race, but somehow (there’s that word again…somehow!) managed to be your top LifeLiner Speed Column analysis horsey in the field, 96.

King Kayian won by 1¾ lengths, and the runner-up was the top-touted Blue Line Cat, 6-1. The exacta paid $234.80, again for $2. Also again, no-go for the show-dough, though, so…sorry! No trizacta here. Regrestz once more.

And, yea, verily, since this score took place in the final event of the day, the ‘nightcap’ as they say in your country, that made it one of ’em KING OF THE NETCAPPER BULLIESZ SPECIALSZ. BULLIESZ!

WMF Report:

Early
Emerald 5½f, 6f
Los Alamitos 4½f
Mountain 6f
Keystone 6f
Prairie 6f
Santa Anita 6f
SunRay 4½f, 6½f, 7f

Nocturnal Submission: Sifting through the wreckage…

Thank you. Best wishes. Goodbye. So long now.