First Post: Saturday, June 17, 2017

If you know anything about this here Weblog, you know we have a healthful mistrust of up-to-the-minute popular culture, otherwise we’d still be dancing the Macarena (what?) and singing Who Let the Dogs Out? (Woof! Woof!) and pledging loyalty to the Contract with America (emphasis on the verb form of ‘contract’). However, we have found someone we can be all-in on for quite some time: Lorde. Ladies & gentlemen, Lorde…LORDE!

Not really the music, but her ethos. She says she wants to be the next Leonard Cohen, the next Joni Mitchell. That’s pretty good right there. In the days when Ian McCulloch of the Bunnyboys was in his pomp some 30 years ago, he used to say things like, ‘I write to compete with Shakespeare and Bosch, not Jim Kerr and Boy George.’ We truly appreciate this kind of conceit, which is not conceit in the sense of being conceited, but conceit in the lesser-used senses of the word. (Look it up. The dictionary is still a good reference — it is like Siri & Watson, it is not that bendable to human, well, conceit!) You do it, Lorde, you go ahead and write to compete with Goethe and Wagner, not Katy Perry and Taylor Swift. We hope to join you someday!

So that’s good right there, the ethos. But the thing that truly won us over was Lorde’s love of — wait for it! — onion rings! YES! ONION RINGS! She says they are ‘underrated’. I don’t think they get enough credit.’ THANK YOU, LORDE! THANK YOU. WE GIVE YOU THANKS & PRAISE.

Next time you are in La-La Land, please give us a ring (!) and we will go sample some of the better onion rings in the area: from the thin and greasy, quick-and-dirty kind at Fatburger to the perfectly fried ones at Du-Par’s to the behemoth donut-sized works of culinary art at Mastro’s. Now, Lorde, all those are the crumb-kind, and we know you prefer the battered ones, so we will have to make a stop at Stout for those. Bonus: Stout is right here in Studio City. We’ll be waiting, Lorde. We’ll be waiting! You can’t come back fast enough, Lorde! THANK YOU, LORDE! PRAISE TO YOU, LORDE!

Free ones: Rundown…

Belmont 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 9
Gulfstream Park Proper 5, 6, 9, 10
Santa Anita 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 10

Pay-side (Weekend/Weekday): Today…

Arlington 8, 9
BelTerra 3, 4, 6, 8
Churchill 4, 7, 8, 9
Delpark 2
Golden Gate 2, 3, 8, 9, 10
Louisiana 7
Laurel 3, 4, 6, 8, 10
Lone Star 2, 7, 8, 9
Monmouth 1, 6, 10
Woodbine 5, 9

Today’s Stakes Pageantry: Gulf 5 on the free page. Pay-side has Arlington 8, Churchill 7, 8, 9, Monmouth 10.

Sidestepping the morning-line fave in Santa Anita 9, going instead with #3 It Tiz Well, #9 Mopotism.

Singling-out #2 Blue Dancer in Northlands 7.

Live-longshot-type issue in Prairie 8: #4 Matchlock.

Extra for experts: Chippewa (!) 7 has a live fourth-choice on your morning line in #1 Desert Summer. See if your friendly local turf accountant will accommodate yourself.

Add extra for experts: Grants Pass (!) 7 has an all-action cold-puncher’s exacta/trizacta box in #2 Arigato, #1 Xerxes, #5 Rockinatthebar. Again, kindly check if your friendly local turf accountant will allow you to partake of this opportunity.

Yesterday’s Activity: No laziness, no laziness, you’re the laziness! Sorry. We blame it on the leakers. But really, late chart-postings = this section’s absence. Oh, well. Maybe next time. Depends on the timeliness of the chart-postings; understandable during summer, what with all the nighttime action going on. Give the guys a break. Maybe.

WMF Report:

Early
Arlington (!) 1 1/16m (!) (WMF 171)
Arapahoe 5½f
Belmont 6f
BelTerra 6f
Emerald 6f
Indiana 6f, 1m
Los Alamitos 4½f
Monmouth 6f
Northlands 6f, 6½f
PennNat 6f
Keystone 1m70y
Santa Anita 6f
SunRay 4½f, 6½f

Rally
Belmont 6f (InT)
Santa Anita 1m (T)
Woodbine 1 1/16m

Nocturnal Submission: Sifting through the wreckage…

Thank you. Best wishes. Goodbye. Ladies & gentlemen, Lorde…LORDE!