Hoo-boy. Have you seen these stories about how some older men are starting to go under the knife for “butt enhancement” surgery? At the risk of sounding like Jimmie “El Greco” Snyder or Al “The Dodger Way of Baseball” Campanis, we tell you it’s quite simple: quick-twitch muscle! Ya gotta have the quick-twitch muscle fibres!
Urban Meyer, the championship college football coach, has said something along the lines of this: all great athletes have huge butts and great strength bases. Mr. Meyer says guys like Tim Tebow, Brandon Spikes and Percy Harvin are all built the same way.
All right, all right, board-flat butt guy! You can build up your glutes without paying some shyster to slice you open and stick his needle in ya. Get out there and hit the squats with some heavy weights. Deadlift 50-lb. sacks of dog food or fertilizer. Run some all-out high-intensity interval sprints. The more intense the sprinting, the likelier the development of the much-desired quick-twitch muscle. As Jim Morrison sang in “Roadhouse Blues” right before the guitar solo: “Do it, Robbie! Do it!”
These young kids today with their hipster skinnie jeans, now we understand why they have to wear those sartorial abominations. They got no junk in the trunk! Too much listening to weepy emo music! Too much reading Twilight & Game of Thornsz! Drama kingsz!
Get them out in the open fields and have them do farmer’s walks and deep-thrust lunges and sprints. Quick-twitch muscle forever, ya weepy emo hipstersz!
Ah, thank you…
Free ones: Rundown…
Saratoga Race Course 3, 6, 7, 8
Del Mar Thoroughbred Club 3, 5, 6
Pay-side: Today…
Arlington 3, 5, 8
Delpark 1, 4, 6, 8, 9
Louisiana 2, 5, 7, 8
Today’s Stakes Pageantry: Stakes tripleheader at the Spa. Race 1 there is the tyro hurdles — no go.
Race 8, the SMIRNOFF SORBET Quick Call, is on the free page. Ah, Smirnoff! In an age of so many boutique vodka brandsz, Smirnoff survives! Allah bless you, Smirnoff! Smirnoff leaves you breathless! Many good memories, thank you, Smirnoff, for being a steady & dependable label before all these chichi posers came on the scene. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Smirnoff! We raise our Cape Cods and Cheap Sunglasses to you, Smirnoff! Na zdorovie!
In between, it’s Race 4, the Lotsa Talc. Uh-oh. Vaunted Triple Threat Horsey status is accorded to Prince George Alexander Louis Cambridge Oxfordshire of the Free University College, who also goes by the name of #5 Willet. (Actually, it’s not that far off! Willsz! Katesz!)
Yesterday’s Activity: Thrills, chills, pills and bellyaches. We’re not ducking anybody! We don’t have the column-inches today! Got to run some tire ads instead!
WMF Report:
Early
Arlington (!) 6f, 1m (!) (WMF 166)
Delpark 6f
Louisiana 5½f
PennNat 6f
Nocturnal Submission: Not right now. Maybe a freestander at the proper hour. Regretsz!
Thank you. Best wishes. Goodbye. So long now.
Probably,the people looking for enhancements haven’t gotten hold of ALL IN ONE,SEMINAR IN A BOX then applied the Dick Mitchell Contender &Paceline Selection tapes. If applied correctly, nothing else needed for a protruding back side. Mostly from the Billfold, Mos Def keeps yoy from losin your A**. Where were you yesterday BIG Ken R {pan dulce} I needed you along with Little AL & Holiday’s Jewel. Bees haven’t helped either, no 60Lb supers full of honey to extract, for help with the muscular backside, plus no fun at the market. Good time for the Laundry!
Could someone be watching or Listening????? Where’s the Island? Could buy a School Bus, move to Eastern Ky., Drive Bus into cave & use Emergency Door for front door. A home complete with Fallout Shelter. Oh how imaginative!!!
Thank you Steve, TYVM TYVM TYVM