First Post: Friday, April 26, 2013

Jimmie Valvano. He had the typical Italian emotion. Three things he said to do day by day — different from the three things in that musical number about Jesus Christ— were to think, to laugh (probably in a genuine way, not a Larry David way), and to weep a little. A winning strategy, absolutely, at least from this perspective. Tug McGraw wept in 1980, as did Paul Owens and Dallas Green. Tug McGraw wept like a baby into the fatherly arms of Dallas Green. How can you forget that? Those two guys were wearing baseball uniforms and they wept into each others’s necks. Who would you rather be friends with, Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David and Costanza, or Tug McGraw and Dallas Green? Know-it-alls or human beings? We could be friends with Newman, though, given that he had an affair with the landlord’s wife! The landlord’s wife! Dammit, Newman! You give us all hope!

Now, guys who post 50,000 times to a single message board, they are probably not weeping, and are likely more reacting than thinking. They laugh, but what sort of laughing is it? How say you? Too much power and angst on television and some literature today. Type-A’s and neverending manipulation. No empathy for or from Walter White, Tyrion Lannister, Don D. Raper, John Ga(u)lt (remember, there’s no YOU in GALT, huh? hahahaha! Lord, Alisa Rosenbaum, a literary genius, Freud was with her when she created that character’s name!), Howard Roark, even the curiously sexy Laura Dern character on Enlightened, they all want to dominate, avenge, strengthen their grip. How come? On the other hoof, Yossarian, Bilbo Baggins, David Copperfield, Leopold Bloom, Frederic Henry, Jake Barnes, we’d all have a beer with them. A grappa with Henry & Barnes, probably.

Yup, going over old ground, again and again, moving in circles, like Brad Davis in Midnight Express, but it’s a crystallization of thought here. We’re striving to get the balance right. Thank you for your kind indulgence. Now, these should be exciting, all contrived from new 2013 parsz. Hoo-boy…numbers are finished. It gets harder and harder every year, like giving birth to a water buffalo without the relief of an epidural. A giant water buffalo, horns through the canal, no epidural…Yeats was right: a terrible beauty is born.

Would Bukowski be on Twitter? Dr. Hunter S. Thompson? How would that work? How would they view E! & Bravo & HBO & SHO & Teen Muthas & Trillionaire Yentas? Lord, we missed some excellent social commentary there! Sadly, we cannot stand in for The Old Masters; our imitations are necessarily pale. Hell, we cannot even compete successfully in 2013 in the much easier arenas of par times and touting! What chance have we got to stand in for those giants? What a life. A wonder, anyway.

Let’s start something better, like ANTIPA.com. ANTIPA. ANTIPA.

Free ones: Today…

Frantic City all
Belmont 5, 9, 10
Calder 3
BFHollyPark 1, 6, 8

Again, 2013 par-times driving the V6 handicapping engine now. Will the failure-rate ease? Will it worsen? ONLY THE SHADOW KNOWS!

Pay-side:

Keeneland 4, 7, 8, 9
Tampa 9
Pimlico 7, 8, 10
Turf Paradise 8
Golden Gate 5, 6
Lone Star 8

Today’s Stakes Activity: Kee 9 is the Grade II Elkhorn, and it’s on the pay-side.

Earlier, it was no good in the third at Belmont. A vaunted Triple Threat Horsey wasn’t even on the board. Yooks.

Yesterday’s Activity: Blanked at Frantic City. Six more stabs at it today. In its time, it was the Greatest Turf Course in North America. Especially at night.

WMF Report:

Early
Calder 6f
Chas. Town 7f
Hawthorne 6f
Turf Paradise 6f, 1m

Nocturnal Submission: EvD 2 (7:05 p.m. EDT / 4:05 p.m. PDT) has #2 Lonnie Bell ready to answer it, or something along those lines. …EvD 3 (7:30 / 4:30): #10 Miss Newg, #3 Natalia Soleil. …Bonkers Box scenario in EvD 6 (8:45 / 5:45) via #5 Royal and Flashy, #3 Bending Air. …Wow, more EvD in the ninth (10 / 7), whereby #2 Shesa Fast Jazz, #12 Run Mardi Gras Run and #5 Sassy Wanda comprise the Triple Stumper. …#6 Zavill, #4 Win Tucker, #8 Epic Phelps, #7 Deno’s Birdie go one better in the Quadruple Stumper seventh at Fairmount (11:14 / 8:14). …Indiana 2 (6:25 / 3:25) has #10 Whitey White Cloud blue-skying it, or something along those lines. …#4 Horn High Hugo continues the theme of triple-name alliteration (live listed longshots!) in Race 4 at the Prairie (8:50 / 5:50). …

Thank you. Best wishes. Get your pars now. Other stuff to follow. Goodbye. Bye-bye.