La-La Land Loves Lambs, er, RAMS
Noncommittal about this. Nevertheless, Happy Valentine’s Day.
As long as the game remains in the balance down to the last drive, we’re OK. Rams’ owner Stan Kroenke Sr. now ready to score any kind of hardware for one of his other franchises, the Arsenal Football — proper football — Club of No. London, England, United Kingdom.
Speaking of London, we feel the way about COMMERCIALS the same way the Beefeaters react while standing on-guard at the Tower: stoic, stonefaced and unflinching. If you want us to get excited about COMMERCIALS, we will stare at you blankly until you move along. Thank you! Exceptions include ICE-T for CAR SHIELD and Jean-Claude van Damme for Tostitos. That’s about it, though. So-called CLEVER COMMERCIALS can clear off, all the way off.
That said, Buzzie Cohen Jr. of Jeopardy! was in a commercial. That was OK. BUT NO OTHER COMMERCIALS elicited any kind of reaction from us. NONE. Do not ask us to be moved any which way by your COMMERCIALS. We want emotional sobriety and a clean lack of drama when it comes to COMMERCIALS, save for Ice-T & Jean-Claude van Damme. Thank you.
People get all excited about COMMERCIALS while other, more-important aspects of their lives go woefully unexamined. WHY? COMMERCIALS, WHY?
We sitting in here — I’m supposed to be the franchise player, and we in here talking about COMMERCIALS. I mean, listen: We talking about COMMERCIALS. Not a game. Not a game. Not THE GAME. We talking about COMMERCIALS. Not a game. Not the game that I go out there and die for and play every game like it’s my last. Not the game. We talking about COMMERCIALS, man.
Admittedly, as would-be marketers ourselves, this is not the proper attitude to have about COMMERCIALS, especially since we have to ENGAGE in SOME COMMERCE in order to keep this ragtag enterprise going, a going concern. RAGTAG!
Still, when the podcasts come along, we hit the 30-second forward-skip button. We try to watch television without COMMERCIALS; when this is not an option, we close our eyes and reset the brain until the programme resumes.
Again, this probably is not the right way to go about business, even a desperately flailing mom-and-pop shop such as this one right here, the one bringing you these very words you are reading on your dee-vice right now. DEE-VICE.
But, if you want to be sold on our fledgling BESTLINE RACING SOCIETY, available each Friday, Saturday & Sunday via email, well, we gave the brothers & sisters in said SOCIETY a couple of good fish yesterday, the nightcap bombers at Aqueduct & Santa Anita, both coasts, coast-to-coast with the most, approx. $63 & $49 cash on the barrelhead straight-up to win. NOT A COMMERCIAL, JUST A FACT. No snark or cleverness. Just two things that happened. We report, you decide.
Moreover, you could actually calculate the positive-expectation edge on these two winners to assure yourself that you were making the proper wagers. No worries. No guesswork. No blah-blah-blah analysis about pace or speed or class or angles; simply the pure math that enables you to determine — to the penny, no less! — how good a proposition you are getting on the toteboard.
Thank you for listening. This was a good COMMERCIAL. But it would have been better with Ice-T, or Jean-Claude van Damme, or both! Kindly forward their agents’ deets. Thank you!
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