Habemus Victoriam
For Phillie phansz of 1970s-’80s vintage, there can be only one Pope. He’s the one on the left there, General Manager Paul Owens. The guy in the uniform is the Field Manager, Mr. Dallas Green. The guy in the spectacles is Mr. R.R.M. Carpenter 3d, the team’s then-owner.
It was refreshing to see the Phillies brass celebrate their first World Championship, in 1980. Owens and Green were fairly weeping — tears of sadness, joy, relief and exhaustion, struggle and drama overcome. It hit you right in the solar plexus to see them weep so openly and honestly. For them, it was OK to shake, to fight, to feel. You think any of the self-important genius nerd GMs of the modern era would find it in their little black hearts to weep in the locker room after winning a World Serious? Nevah! It’s just business and numbers and an MBA degree now. No. The Pope, he had soul!
CASHman, Epstein, even the good Italian Colletti Jr. Can’t picture any of them being moved to emotional tears after winning a World Series. Sorry.
As for R.R.M. Carpenter 3d, Mr. Ruly Carpenter, they named a race for one of his forebears at Delaware Park. Mr. Carpenter 3d also was a graduate of The Lawrenceville School.
Free ones:
Aqueduct 8
Gulf 6, 7, 8
Santa Anita 5, 7, 8
Pay-side:
Laurel 2
Fair Grounds 2, 3, 7
Oaklawn 3, 4, 6
Golden Gate 3
Today’s Stakes Pageantry: Uncle Mo, remember that horse? He was better than Frankel. When people say Frankel was the best Thoroughbred who ever looked through a bridle, they are short and selective in their memory. Everybody knows it was Uncle Mo. Well, it was between Uncle Mo and Colonel Bodgit. Those two were the greatest gallop racers of the last 300 years, unquestionably. Frankel was only third-best. Just thought you should know.
Anyway, today’s third at Aqueduct is named in honor of Uncle Mo. Hard to tout anything.
Yesterday’s Activity: That’s big talent, listing four horseys in a race and having none of them finish in the first four. Boo! Uncle Mo, Colonel Bodgit, Norman Asbjornson!
Adding insult to all these personal injuries was the runner-up finish by the horse in Race 4 at Tampa. This was a touted Bonkersmate, Terminal One. At 98-1 (98!), he was odds-on to run to that billing — last and final! Indeed, the horse closest to him in the wagering was way less than half that, at 40-1.
Yet this Bonkersmate, this 98-1 Terminal One, damn near did it at a close-to $200 straight win mutuel. Frack! This 98-1 Terminal One beat eight others! He ran behind the winner a mere half a length.
All right, all right, ya Arcangues loversz. We know you had a better mutuel, we know he ended up winning that race. But how many people listed that 133-1 Arcangues in their calculations? Hermis? Sweep? Reigh Count? Where’s Marcus Hersh when you need him? Is he even allowed to attend the races on the Shabbat Shalom?
Ah, ya Terminal One. Damn you, Terminal One! Damn you all to Hades, ya Terminal One!
Fortunately for the Terminal One-loversz who employed a bit of discretion in the whole affair, the race winner was Bucks Wink, the public’s even-money fave and a horse who was tops on LifeLiner speed (the vaunted 99!) in the contentious horserace. So for your even-money Bucks Wink on top of your 98-1 Terminal One in the perzactor, you were rewarded with a payoff of $172.80 for your $2. Still almost 4X the $47-even place-price.
The problem came with the 7-1 third-place horsey, who was atop the V6 Betting Line but an undesirable 79 on the LifeLiner Speed Score. What are you going to do? We have to reconcile these baffling inconsistencies. It keeps everybody up at night. Sorry for that.
If that were not enough, and since we know all horseplayers have a high threshold for torture and grim outcomes, in the very next race at Oldsmar, it was the recommended (read: touted) Yawn also finishing second, also at delicious odds (well, 11-1 is no 98-1, but still…), also beaten a dirty half-length. LifeLiner gave Yawn clearly top marks among the experienceds in this maiden turf-route, but firster Morioba, 6-1 on the morning line and with a qualifying set of numbers on the T/J/TJ array, beat Yawn to it at 13-1.
Now, we do not tout (read: recommend) horseys lower than 8-1 on the morning line. You’ll have to do that on your own, either via mental gymnastics or else your own dedicated use of All-In-One V6. But, yes, Morioba was not a stretch as a 6-to-1-on-the-morning-line saver, and the exfector came back a wallet-expanding $399.80 (”Come on, mutuel clerk, I’ll trade you two 10-cent pieces for four crisp Benjamins! Deal?”) for $2. Favored firster Lady of the Glen, 2-1, also made sense, and the Tri-Exactor came back $1,757 for $2. All reachable mutuels, no doubt.
All from unbearably no-win situations, too! You guys are smart. You’ll figure it out. You’ll make it work for yourselves.
Extra for experts: If you can’t win ’em all, you can definitely place ’em all! Yea, verily, late-breaking news bulletin from the seventh at Tampa brings word of the recommended tout (read: touted recommendation) Conrad Crossing, 15-1 on the morning line and 34-1 on the tote board, finishing — yup, you guessed it— SECONDSECONDSECOND, beaten only a length-and-a-quarter. Now this is just absurd, straight from Beckett or Buñuel. But in this case, the 4½-1 winner was not doing any good by our favored approaches. Losers!
Postscript: An ignominious fourth runner-up finish was suffered by Arse fansz the world over as their beloved Goonersz performed valiantly on the evening at Munich, winning the second leg nil-2 and finishing with the same number of goals (3) over the two-leg tie as Bayern Munchen. However, the Germans (“sie ghairmansz”) go through by virtue of having scored the extra “away” goal. Arbitrary European rulingsz!
Speaking of which, a Pope was Elected in the Holy See last night. For more details, kindly attend Mass this Sunday (or, if you prefer, a Saturday twi-night vigil). We understand they have Birkenstock-wearing acoustic-guitar-players and folk-singers at the Saturday Services. Tyvm.
WMF Report:
Early
Aqu 1m70y (!)
Laurel 6f
PennNat 1m
Nocturnal Submission: Triple Stumper territory in Race 8 at Delta (9:52 p.m. EDT / 6:52 p.m. PDT) for #4 Sweet Lady Bug, #1 Twin Skies, #10 Easyasyougo. …
Thank you. Best wishes. Goodbye. Amen.
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First Post: Thursday, March 14, 2013
Habemus Victoriam
For Phillie phansz of 1970s-’80s vintage, there can be only one Pope. He’s the one on the left there, General Manager Paul Owens. The guy in the uniform is the Field Manager, Mr. Dallas Green. The guy in the spectacles is Mr. R.R.M. Carpenter 3d, the team’s then-owner.
It was refreshing to see the Phillies brass celebrate their first World Championship, in 1980. Owens and Green were fairly weeping — tears of sadness, joy, relief and exhaustion, struggle and drama overcome. It hit you right in the solar plexus to see them weep so openly and honestly. For them, it was OK to shake, to fight, to feel. You think any of the self-important genius nerd GMs of the modern era would find it in their little black hearts to weep in the locker room after winning a World Serious? Nevah! It’s just business and numbers and an MBA degree now. No. The Pope, he had soul!
CASHman, Epstein, even the good Italian Colletti Jr. Can’t picture any of them being moved to emotional tears after winning a World Series. Sorry.
As for R.R.M. Carpenter 3d, Mr. Ruly Carpenter, they named a race for one of his forebears at Delaware Park. Mr. Carpenter 3d also was a graduate of The Lawrenceville School.
Free ones:
Aqueduct 8
Gulf 6, 7, 8
Santa Anita 5, 7, 8
Pay-side:
Laurel 2
Fair Grounds 2, 3, 7
Oaklawn 3, 4, 6
Golden Gate 3
Today’s Stakes Pageantry: Uncle Mo, remember that horse? He was better than Frankel. When people say Frankel was the best Thoroughbred who ever looked through a bridle, they are short and selective in their memory. Everybody knows it was Uncle Mo. Well, it was between Uncle Mo and Colonel Bodgit. Those two were the greatest gallop racers of the last 300 years, unquestionably. Frankel was only third-best. Just thought you should know.
Anyway, today’s third at Aqueduct is named in honor of Uncle Mo. Hard to tout anything.
Yesterday’s Activity: That’s big talent, listing four horseys in a race and having none of them finish in the first four. Boo! Uncle Mo, Colonel Bodgit, Norman Asbjornson!
Adding insult to all these personal injuries was the runner-up finish by the horse in Race 4 at Tampa. This was a touted Bonkersmate, Terminal One. At 98-1 (98!), he was odds-on to run to that billing — last and final! Indeed, the horse closest to him in the wagering was way less than half that, at 40-1.
Yet this Bonkersmate, this 98-1 Terminal One, damn near did it at a close-to $200 straight win mutuel. Frack! This 98-1 Terminal One beat eight others! He ran behind the winner a mere half a length.
All right, all right, ya Arcangues loversz. We know you had a better mutuel, we know he ended up winning that race. But how many people listed that 133-1 Arcangues in their calculations? Hermis? Sweep? Reigh Count? Where’s Marcus Hersh when you need him? Is he even allowed to attend the races on the Shabbat Shalom?
Ah, ya Terminal One. Damn you, Terminal One! Damn you all to Hades, ya Terminal One!
Fortunately for the Terminal One-loversz who employed a bit of discretion in the whole affair, the race winner was Bucks Wink, the public’s even-money fave and a horse who was tops on LifeLiner speed (the vaunted 99!) in the contentious horserace. So for your even-money Bucks Wink on top of your 98-1 Terminal One in the perzactor, you were rewarded with a payoff of $172.80 for your $2. Still almost 4X the $47-even place-price.
The problem came with the 7-1 third-place horsey, who was atop the V6 Betting Line but an undesirable 79 on the LifeLiner Speed Score. What are you going to do? We have to reconcile these baffling inconsistencies. It keeps everybody up at night. Sorry for that.
If that were not enough, and since we know all horseplayers have a high threshold for torture and grim outcomes, in the very next race at Oldsmar, it was the recommended (read: touted) Yawn also finishing second, also at delicious odds (well, 11-1 is no 98-1, but still…), also beaten a dirty half-length. LifeLiner gave Yawn clearly top marks among the experienceds in this maiden turf-route, but firster Morioba, 6-1 on the morning line and with a qualifying set of numbers on the T/J/TJ array, beat Yawn to it at 13-1.
Now, we do not tout (read: recommend) horseys lower than 8-1 on the morning line. You’ll have to do that on your own, either via mental gymnastics or else your own dedicated use of All-In-One V6. But, yes, Morioba was not a stretch as a 6-to-1-on-the-morning-line saver, and the exfector came back a wallet-expanding $399.80 (”Come on, mutuel clerk, I’ll trade you two 10-cent pieces for four crisp Benjamins! Deal?”) for $2. Favored firster Lady of the Glen, 2-1, also made sense, and the Tri-Exactor came back $1,757 for $2. All reachable mutuels, no doubt.
All from unbearably no-win situations, too! You guys are smart. You’ll figure it out. You’ll make it work for yourselves.
Extra for experts: If you can’t win ’em all, you can definitely place ’em all! Yea, verily, late-breaking news bulletin from the seventh at Tampa brings word of the recommended tout (read: touted recommendation) Conrad Crossing, 15-1 on the morning line and 34-1 on the tote board, finishing — yup, you guessed it— SECONDSECONDSECOND, beaten only a length-and-a-quarter. Now this is just absurd, straight from Beckett or Buñuel. But in this case, the 4½-1 winner was not doing any good by our favored approaches. Losers!
Postscript: An ignominious fourth runner-up finish was suffered by Arse fansz the world over as their beloved Goonersz performed valiantly on the evening at Munich, winning the second leg nil-2 and finishing with the same number of goals (3) over the two-leg tie as Bayern Munchen. However, the Germans (“sie ghairmansz”) go through by virtue of having scored the extra “away” goal. Arbitrary European rulingsz!
Speaking of which, a Pope was Elected in the Holy See last night. For more details, kindly attend Mass this Sunday (or, if you prefer, a Saturday twi-night vigil). We understand they have Birkenstock-wearing acoustic-guitar-players and folk-singers at the Saturday Services. Tyvm.
WMF Report:
Early
Aqu 1m70y (!)
Laurel 6f
PennNat 1m
Nocturnal Submission: Triple Stumper territory in Race 8 at Delta (9:52 p.m. EDT / 6:52 p.m. PDT) for #4 Sweet Lady Bug, #1 Twin Skies, #10 Easyasyougo. …
Thank you. Best wishes. Goodbye. Amen.
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