(Reprinted from last week's late editions.)
Of course, the machine knows that results speak for themselves, and he realizes he's done a good job of selling himself. But he knows there are those who need to hear the verse-chorus-verse pattern a few times before they can hum or whistle on their own.
Fast Capper 2002 is the computer program that can help you profitably resolve many thorny handicapping-and-wagering issues that may be hampering your best efforts to prosper at Thoroughbred racing.
Courtesy of its extensive library of par times for just about every combination of distance, surface and class level for almost all the racetracks in North America, Fast Capper 2002 gives you clean, definitive and easy-to-apply answers to such nagging questions as: How will this horse do on the stretchout in distance? Can this longshot successfully step up in class? Is this favorite actually a bogus one, even though he's shipping from a high-class track to a lower-class one?
In fact, Fast Capper 2002 answers these questions and many more like them because it actually projects the running times for each horse or contender in the race. And it projects these times to fall in line with the conditions of today's race. So there won't be a distance-switch, surface-change, class-move or ship-in or ship-out situation you won't be able to handle with amazing ease.
All you need to tell Fast Capper 2002 is which horses you feel are the logical contenders in the race, and which past race to use to measure each of your contenders by. That's pretty simple, isn't it? Fast Capper 2002 does the rest.
And with the exciting downloadable racefiles from Dr. Jim Cramer's HDW (Handicappers Data Warehouse), Fast Capper 2002 will gladly furnish you with an automatic last-race-for-each-horse-in-the-race handicapping outlook for the race -- at the touch of your mouse. These downloaded racefiles also give you the wonderfully accurate and projected Cramer Speed Ratings and Track Variants. Fast Capper 2002 makes optimal use of these very powerful handicapping tools. The result is an increased precision in Fast Capper 2002's running-time projections. How about that!
Manual entry of the data from Daily Racing Form past performance source also is a breeze, and the Fast Capper's catalog of average daily track variants for nearly every track in the country guarantees a more precise track-variant adjustment for manual-entry handicapping than ever.
For all Fast Capper 2002 can do for you, you might expect it to cost several hundred dollars, at least. Indeed, there are many programs on the market that can't begin to match Fast Capper 2002's thoroughness and precision -- yet they'll set you back up to $249, and the results will no better than random! Don't settle for that! Especially when Fast Capper 2002 will give you power, precision and profits at less than half the price.
That's right. The Fast Capper 2002 package -- which includes the Fast Capper 2002 handicapping software along with the 2002 Cynthia Publishing Par Times on CD-ROM plus the outstanding supplemental printed materials in the research-driven and stat-filled Pars Plus book -- is yours for $100, plus shipping and handling and applicable California state sales tax. Yes, Fast Capper 2002 gives you superior performance at a fraction of the price that some overhyped but underperforming software goes for.
But you won't know until you try. Taken separately, each distinct element of the Fast Capper 2002 package is well worth $100 on its own. To get all three elements for $100 is an outrageously great deal for you. Why delay? Get on an affordable road to improved results and satisfaction from your handicapping and wagering on Thoroughbred horseraces. Check out the Fast Capper 2002 now at the Cynthia Publishing Company Handicapping Store.
Thank you for your kind indulgence.
Enough of this silly musical theme. Let's open the doors to something new and different.
The man (as in the hapless human gray-matter fellah) who vied with the machine has long since left the realm of sanity, snoring now peacefully in his big, warm bed, South Korea jersey on, resting up for an early 4 o'clock wake-up call Saturday morning on the West Coast of the United States, to watch and hope the co-host country will snag third-place away from the Turks.
In contrast, the machine is well-oiled and geared-up yet again for another stellar performance on the coming weekend, 30-odd more stakes races to run down, kept honest some by a few ugly performances last week but at the same time buoyed by several more super results floating in from the Arlington Park statebred weekend and the feature at Mr. Tom Brown's home track, the itsy-bitsy Finger Lakes in Canandaigua in New York State. Iszy-bitzy witzy-witzy everywhere.
But the machine nods knowingly at the man's football jones on the final weekend of World Cup '02, and the machine hopes he will be able to perform with the same kind of domination and flair that he calculates Brasil will dispense at the expense of Alemania in the Championship on Sunday. Or maybe not. The role of chance in all of this is impressive and undeniable. But no doubt it is, at the very least, fun and entertaining and, if the planets are aligned, profitable, perhaps spectacularly so.
As always, these are based on fast dirt tracks and firm turf courses and, of course, before any knowledge of raceday scratches, weather-related or otherwise. (Looks like good weather all over the country -- maybe even South Florida -- this time. All right.)
As ever, best wishes for a prosperous and fun weekend.
Chris McCarron retired last Sunday. He went out with the sort of class and honesty you wish you could see in all athletes when it comes time for them to hang it up. Judging by the turnout and the number of racing luminaries there to send him off, McCarron got as good as he gave, and that's surprising for so competitive a sport as Thoroughbred racing.
Of course, Came Home did his part by making sure McCarron's final ride was a winning one. It's hard enough to go out on top, but to get a chartered equine limo in the form of a Graded stakes winner to glide you into posterity, well, it was almost too good.
Then again, McCarron's career was assuredly the same way. He didn't win the most races, but he won the biggest ones often enough that he was the game's all-time money-leading rider. He won the Derby twice, the Breeders' Cup Classic an incredible five times. He was the regular rider of the great John Henry after Shoemaker opted out, and McCarron also piloted Precionist, Paseana, Alysheba and Flawlessly. And he carried Sunday Silence to that horse's career-defining victory for the ages in the BC Classic of 1989.
And he was arguably the greatest grass rider the game has ever seen. In 2001 in Southern California, he finished with a still-competitive 113 wins, and a scan of his 43 turf victories tells why -- patience. Never one to move too soon on the lawn, McCarron made sure the majority of his mounts got going in earnest when it was time for the real running to begin, after the first six furlongs of the race had passed. Stubborn in the stretch after surging to the lead by the furlong pole, or else timing it just right to get up in the shadow of the wire on grass, McCarron was no doubt, year in and year out, the most formidable stretch-duel jockey in races on the turf.
It probably is too early to speculate which of several jockeys will try to fill McCarron's sizable boots in grass races, but the initial suspicion here is that another patient, talented, strong-finisher will be the one. His name? Garrett Gomez. Check it out.
In another closing nowhere near that scope, this weekend marks the finish of the May-June Triple Crown Edition of the Big-Prize Handicapping Contest. While the Exotics Division was settled long ago when Diane B. saw fit to crush the Belmont Stakes trizacta, the Win Division remains very much up in the air. Last weekend scrambled the picture even further, and here are your top five contenders entering the final two races of play:
Good luck to all the warriors. We are with you in your handicapping.
Oh, Moon of Alabama / We now must say goodbye...
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